Friday, 8 May 2015

General Election 2015's Weirdest Candidates: A Guide To 'The Also Rans'

It's been a fairly shocking election, it's safe to say. But apart from three party leaders quitting within one hour and a lot of sleepy looking politicians looking sad, one thing has been overlooked - all the candidates who seemed to be standing just for th fun of it. Here's our favourites:

Prophet Zebadiah - Al-Zebabist Nation of Ooog - South Thanet




The Al-Zebabist Nation of Ooog, seemingly parodying Ukip in some way, looking to set up an Afro-Thanetian Zaliphate. They say: "It is our duty as servants of OOOG and His Prophet to cut through the hagiographic and self-aggrandizing narrative of British patriotism."

Jesse Rae - Independent - Berwickshire, Roxburgh, and Selkirk




Yes, that is a man in a full suit of armour. Yes, he did stand to be an MP. No, he didn't win.

Captain Beany - Independent - Aberavon

captain beany

Self-proclaimed superhero Barry Kirk, aka Captain Beany, stood in the constituency won by Neil Kinnock's son Steven. His trademark orange suit is a reference to his only discernible policy - he likes baked beans. He even has a tattoo on his head of the top of a bean tin.

Joe Stead - World Peace Through Song Party - Calder Valley




Former professional folk musician Joe Stead used to support Labour, but then the Iraq war happened. Now he swans around Yorkshire campaigning. Entirely in song.

Howling Laud Hope - Monster Raving Loony Party - Uxbridge and South Ruislip

uxbridge

No introduction needed - the Loonies' party leader goes wherever he'll get the biggest TV audience and campaigns on a platform of totally raving loony policies that they promise not to stick to.

Lord Toby Jug - The Eccentric Party Of Great Britain - Uxbridge and South Ruislip

uxbridge

The Eccentric Party is an offshoot of the Monster Raving Loonies, and Lord Toby Jug once played guitar for the infamous Screaming Lord Sutch.

Nick The Flying Brick - Monster Raving Loony Party - Doncaster

doncaster

Nick stood against Miliband in typical Monster Raving Loony fashion, with his stand out policy stating: "All European trains in the future must be fuelled by gravy."

Bobby Smith - Give Me Back Elmo Party - Witney

deek jackson

Bobby Smith's party had a serious message, campaigning for parents' rights, the abolition of secret courts and a few other key points - but also decided to dress up as Elmo and include a few oddball policies in his manifesto. He stood against David Cameron and didn't do very well.

Deek Jackson - The Landless Peasant Party - Witney

deek jackson

Deek Jackson is a bit of a strange one who has a history of standing against high profile candidates. He gave David Cameron the finger while the vote was being announced. His main running point is that everyone else is a tosser.

Adam Clifford - Class War Party - Cities of London and Westminster




The Class War Party claim to be "the most dangerous party" in Britain. They don't believe in legislation or policies but want to abolish private schools and the monarchy.

Bez - We Are The Reality Party - Salford

bez

Former Happy Mondays hypeman Bez decided to form his party to fight against fracking when he thought the Greens wouldn't do well at the election - then forgot to send it the forms to register himself.

Stirling McDonald McNeillie - Children Of The Atom Party - Shrewsbury and Atcham




This party is a bit of an enigma - very little information exists, but it appears to have been named after a religious cult in the post-apocalyptic dystopian video game Fallout 3. The policies seem to match, focusing on things like population control and a new money system called Seed.

Ray Hall - Beer, Baccy and Scratchings Party - Eastleigh



Hall's leading policy was a total reduction in tax on beer. Sadly he only picked up 133 votes and won't get his deposit back. That's £500 he could've spent on beer, baccy and scratchings.

GENERAL ELECTION 2015

MORE GENERAL ELECTION


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